See You Again
by RockerMonster223
Summary: Santana walked out on the stage for the first time in years and left all her pain of the past two year on the stage . Follow Santana as she takes a trip down memory lane to see what lead her to be at this moment .
1. Prologue: The Day That Still Haunts Me

The day we entered that doctors office I still replay that day in my head over and over hoping and praying that the sentence that left his mouth wasn't what I heard. "Brittany you have cancer " those words still haunt me shaking me to my core .The woman I loved and adored who I spent years in high school denying I loved who I was now married too and proud of as soon as I made her mine , the mother of my child, she was being taken away from me . I mean Brittany was the healthiest person I knew she was kind, gentle, loving. Why her why was god being so cruel I know I wasn't the best person in the world but why was he taking away the one person I loved more than life itself.

Why would god punish me so was it because of all the rotten things I did in high school to Finn, Rachel and everyone else in the population? was it because I'm a lesbian? Me and Brittany were only married for two years we were still planning a future , raising our son who was almost an exact carbon copy of us both and probably having more, growing old together and having grandchildren to spoil rotten before sending them home to their parents. But when that sentence was uttered that horrible day it all went up in smoke before our eyes. Everything we had worked hard to accomplish we had to stop I was a singer and I had stopped touring mostly because of Brittany's pregnancy . Brittany was a dance teacher god I miss seeing her dancing around the living room eventually clumsily landing in my lap or twirling around making our little boy laugh . I loved her so much this was supposed to be our time to write our love story.

Only way to find out why god is being so cruel I have to take a trip down memory lane .


	2. 2010:The Day I Beat Up Quinn

The year was 2010 and I was a sophomore at William McKinley High in Lima Ohio and believe me that place was the shittiest place to be most times and I was head cheerleader of the Cheerios that was until that loud mouth goodie two shoes Quinn Fabray told coach Sue about my "summer surgery " which was actually a boob job so now because of Quinn "Puck's baby mama" Fabray I wasn't the captain of the Cheerios anymore and I was now the bottom of the Pyramid . That fucking bitch she ruined everything for me and Mr. Schuester and the rest of the kids in glee club said we were all a "family " ha ! some family stabbing each other in the back .

I felt my blood begin to boil which meant I was about to go all Lima Heights on blondie's fake ass, I ran up slammed her into the lockers. " You did this to me you told coach Sylvester about my summer surgery " she cut me off "You have a surgery when you get your appendix out YOU GOT A BOOB JOB! ". That was the last straw " yup sure did " I slapped her right across the face " you can't hit me " she said with distain in her voice " sure I can unless you got yourself knocked up again SLUT! " she grabbed me and slammed me into the lockers that where inches away . Brittany standing in the crowd that watched us spoke but no one could her as she said "stop the violence " . I threw Quinn to the ground and began to charge at her until Mr. Schue jumped in to brake it up " hey hey hey what is this what happened to this being a family ? " to which I said " Oh please she has a family she a mother " I walked away knowing damn well if Mr Schue didn't break up that fight I had with Quinn that day I would have beat shit out of the bitch that day .

The only person I could really turn to was Brittany she always knew how to make me feel better and that day I really needed her because I got put at the bottom of the Pyramid.

When I look back at this moment in my life I would say not one of my proudest moments in my life and hell who knew that Quinn Fabray would still remain one of my best friends/ like a sister to me to this day . I shook my head sitting in the living room I got up and went over the bookshelf and pulled out our wedding album and began to look threw it .


	3. February 20th 2015

February 20th, 2015 will always be the best day of my life and that was the day all single lady lovers of the world had cried because I Santana Lopez gotten married to the love of my life. But anyway because of Britt being superstitious she stayed in a hotel with her parents and I stayed at our house with Kurt and Blaine playing watch dog in case I tried to sneak out to see Brittany. We had managed to fly everyone into Indiana for the wedding who weren't within driving or vehicle traveling distance. All the way down to the littlest of Britt's nephew's . I was excited and nervous my mother wouldn't stop crying and my father had to console her every time. But that was the day and I would finally be ready if I could have gotten the damn tie on I struggled to tie it right. That was when I had what I think was the most heartfelt conversation I have ever had with my father . There was a knock on the door "yeah who is it " It was my father's voice " It's me mija can I come in " I answered " Yeah dad come in " me still fighting with the tie he came in and shut the door " aye dios your mother is making me crazy every time she start talking about the wedding she loses it " he raises his hands ranting " well dad I am your only child " I looked at him haven given up on the tie he walks over " Yes that is true " He helps to tie my tie " seem like yesterday you were the little girl that would run around the living room singing " He pulls the knot and straightens it " But now your all grown up and getting married " I looked at him as he stopped " thanks dad and yeah I am and you and mom raised me to be a good person to be tough and strong and know what it is to be a good partner to the person I love. " I looked at him " I will always be your little girl dad just I'll have a wife" He smiled warmly and hugged me " te amo Santana " I hug him back " te amo dad" He looks at me ok let's go downstairs and wait for the car . I still smile at that memory my father had past away 2 years ago and I miss him we all do . I sit in my chair as continue to look at our wedding album and smile going down memories lane.

I fallow him down the stairs and as soon as my mother saw me she lost it again " Oh my only baby is getting married " I looked at her with some understanding " aww mom it's gonna be ok " I hugged her enough not to ruin my tux . After my mother's crying fits and some pictures we loaded the limo and we were on our way to the barn we got there and everything was royal blue and white with some gold thrown in I stood in front of the alter all my "grooms man " as they came down I asked Kurt to be my best man cause if Finn was alive I would have asked him. But Kurt was the only connection to him in my life now. All of Britt's bride's maids came in and took their marks Quinn being the maid of honor fallowed by Rachel and Sugar. The priest came up to his place and then the bridal march music began I felt nervous. But when those double doors opened I had a huge smile plastered on my face when I saw her Britt a stunting angel a long flowing white dress as she came down the aisle. The music stopped when she got to with her father who walked her down the aisle, the priest spoke "who gives this women to this women?" Brittany's father answered " Her mother and I do " He kissed her cheek and placed her hand in mine and I looked at her with a smile and mouth the word "Beautiful " I could have sworn I saw her blush under that veil.

The priest began to speak again after Britt's father sat with her mother " Dearly beloved we are gathered her today to join these two young women in the bonds of holy matrimony, love is a magnificent thing and no matter where or who you find that love with it is one thing that cannot be measured or controlled and it is my honor to be baring witness to the love these women share " he paused "both women have chosen to write their own vows to one another. He looked to me " Brittany, you are my best friend in the whole world , you have always believed in me , stood by me through good and bad " tears formed in my eyes " You are my rock my solid ground when I feel the world shaking around me you are my infinity and I will love you forever " I finished tears wanting to escape and I could see the same on Britt's face the priest looked her next " Santana , you are so amazing you are kind , generous and have the biggest heart " she sniffled " You always saw me as a genius when everyone else called me stupid you are my one true love and I will love you to Infinity too " she finished I was going to lose it then the priest spoke " may we have the rings please " I got mine for Brittany from Kurt and Brittany got her's from Quinn " Santana repeat after me " I looked at him " I Santana Lopez " I repeated " I Santana Lopez " He spoke again" take thee Brittany Pierce " kept repeating "take thee Brittany Pierce to be my wife my partner and my one and only " I slide the ring on her finger he then looked at Brittany " Now Brittany repeat after me " she looked at him " I Brittany Pierce " I repeated " I Brittany Pierce " He spoke again" take thee Santana Lopez" she kept repeating "take thee Santana Lopez to be my wife my partner and my one and only " she slides her ring on my finger " do you Santana Lopez take Brittany Pierce to be you lawfully wedded wife forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live " I looked into Brittany's eyes " I Do " he looked at Brittany " do you Brittany Pierce take Santana Lopez to be you lawfully wedded wife forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live "she looked at me " I Do" " if anyone has a reason that these two should not be wed speak now or forever hold your peace " I looked around with the face of anyone speaks I will kill you no one said a word " well with the power invested in me by the state of New York I now pronounce you wife and wife you may kiss the bride " I lifted Brittany's veil and kissed her deeply "

* flashback ends*

I smile at the memories of that day having all our loved ones there with us to celebrate. I shut the album and put it back on the shelf and head upstairs .


	4. Remembering A Quarterback

As I walked down the hall to my bedroom I saw the picture from McKinley it was the 2009 glee club picture , I looked at it as smiled sadly especially when my eye caught Finn looming over everyone in front . I remember when we heard the news of his death , I cried for weeks . The Mr. Schue invited alumni and present glee club members to a memorial to remember Finn in the only way we knew how in the chorus room singing .

*Flashback 2013*

I walked down the hall of McKinley High but this time it wasn't a happy visit . This time it was a sad one it was because Finn Hudson the kid I loved like a brother was gone . We all gathered in the Chorus Room Mr. Schuester wanted to do something to remember him we could sing songs he sang or ones that reminded us of him . I walked passed his memorial all I heard was the sound of him playing the drums and I smiled softy at the memories of that big goof happily drumming while everyone talked and sang . Hell if it wasn't for Finn I would still be in the closet I will be forever grateful to him . I walked to the front of the Chorus Room . I walked in the middle of the room everyone in there stared at me all I saw was a sea of sad and tear stained faces I spoke using my usual way of being a snarky bitch to hide my sadness" Okay, I know that Finn had his doubts about God, but I am convinced that Squishyteets is up in Heaven right now, plopped down next to his new best friend Fat Elvis , helping themselves to a picnic of baby back ribs smothered in butterscotch pudding and tater tot grease, so , this is for you , Hudson . " The band started to play The Band Perry's "If I Die Young " I began to sing I made it through the beginning and two choruses but then I broke down Mike and Mr . Schue tried to comfort me but all I could get out was "No, !No!" I screamed and ran sobbing and I founded myself in the auditorium I sat on the stage and looked out into the empty seats knowing that was the last place I saw Finn I heard footsteps and then Kurt's voice " You okay ? " I looked at him as you walked down the stairs "You sang beautifully . " I answered him" I couldn't do it ' * he kept walking toward me "There was only one more chorus. " I sigh " No, not the song .I had this whole plan to surprise everyone and not be a bitch for once in my life and say all these nice things about Finn, and then , at the last minute, I chickened out . I even wrote all them down " I looked at the list in my hand as Kurt sat next to me on the stage " Would you read it to me ? " I began to fold the list " No, I can't It's too embarrassing . They're like really nice " I looked at Kurt and he looked back at me " If there's one thing I've learned from Finn dying , it's that shame is a wasted emotion. I'm sure Finn had secrets, too but who cares now? Do you really think , one day , on your deathbed , you're gonna think, " Oh, good, no one knew I was kind?" I sigh and look at the paper " Okay. " I open the paper " When we had sex, Finn never stopped asking me if I was okay the whole time, and he meant it . One time , Becky Jackson left a piece of chocolate birthday cake on my chair and when I sat on it, it looked like I had pooped my pants , and , so , Finn walked behind me until I could get out of school so no one saw my chocolate butt and thought that I had messed myself . " Me and Finn laughed he nodded his head " Yeah, you would've never lived that one down . " I looked down " No. He was a much better person than I am . " Kurt nodded "That is true . But Finn really cared about you . " He looked over at me " And I don't think he would've done all those things if he didn't think you were decent , too. " I fought back tears ." Can you leave , please ? " He stood up and wrapped Finn's jacket around my shoulder I gripped tight remembering the last bear hug he gave me two years ago .

*Flashback Ends *

I wiped a tear away a proceeded to my bedroom as I did I walked pasted my office where in a frame hung Finn's Jacket after I got it in the mail one day from Mr Schue . There was a note with it ,It read " Dear Santana sorry this took me so long to give this back to you sorry I didn't tell you I had take it that day it went missing . I guess I needed it to let myself grieve but now I leave it in your care because that's how Finn would have wanted it . Take care of it and yourself . All my love and best , Will .


	5. March 25, 2020

I walked into the bedroom to the empty bed that is something I have come to have to learn to accept , especially over the last two years and not see you there waiting for me . How I miss coming in after a long day of work late at night and slipping into our bed and just holding you close to me . I miss feeling your heart beating in time with mine as you laid on top off me . As I step out of my jeans and top throwing them into the laundry basket and changed into to just my boxer briefs and loose band t-shirt I walked out of the bathroom still thinking If I came out hoping the bed wouldn't be empty but it was I don't know why I keep fooling myself . I sighed sadly and sat on my side of the bed on the night table next to the bed I see of us and you where about ready to give birth to our son Luca. When we picked names you wanted it to be different so instead of the usual Lucas you insisted on dropping the s and naming our son Luca Maxuel Lopez- Pierce . The day he was born was the day I knew what it was like to be proud of myself for making this beautiful precious little human being . I looked at the picture I had actually taken this on it was us in front of the mirror I was standing behind you and we both hand our hands on your growing belly I had my chin gently resting on your shoulder . We both smiled as I snapped the shot of this moment of pure happiness . I placed the the picture back on the table and laid back into bed and looked up at the ceiling for a few minutes just thinking to myself . I looked at the clock reading 12 am I closed my eyes an shortly feel asleep .

* flashback March 25, 2020 *

We had remember it like it was yesterday the day Luca was born, you had talked me into visiting your parents just you talked me into it couple days before you were ready to give birth . You wanted to be there for your sister who had gotten her heart broken I tried like hell to get you to change your mind but you gave me the puppy dog eye that's how you always got me to give in. I was standing in the kitchen washing the dishes from breakfast that morning and you had went with your sister Piper to the mall to help get her mind of her break-up troubles . I normally didn't like to clean dishes but something about it relaxed me . I was almost finished with the last dish, when I heard the front door open and close. You appeared in the doorway of the kitchen with one hand on your belly and the other on your back."Santana?" You said as you stood in the door way looking at me . "Hm?" I looked up from the sink, shaking myself from my daydream. You kept your voice soft and even. "I just had a contraction at the mall. And another in the car." The smile on my face vanished. "Now?" my face paled. "The baby's coming now?" You replied "Probably not in the next five minutes," Your voice still as calm as ever . "But I'm definitely having contractions. I swallowed, feeling a chill run through my spine . I couldn't panic, not visibly. I knew I needed to be calm and supportive to help you through labor.

For the next two hours, You wanted to putter around the house. It was odd and a bit unnerving for me . Here we were, knowing our baby was coming soon, but having to wait hours until anything remotely exciting - well, terrifying - happened. You even helped your mom make dinner, pausing to bend over and breathe every fifteen minutes or so when a contraction would hit. When it did, I slid to your side, putting a hand on your back and making airy, rushing noises to coax you to breathe through it. Each time I saw you close your eyes, My heart sped up as my breath grew shaky. I busied myself timing the contractions, jotting down the duration and frequency on a pad of paper. But my writing was shaky and uneven, and even looking at the paper made me more nervous. It seemed to be in odd juxtaposition with You ; you just took quiet, deep breaths and closed your eyes, seeming to drift away for a moment while my body surged. After dinner, I helped you lay on your side on the guest room bed, wanting to sleep while you could. Again, I was alarmed at how calm you seemed. Aside from tensing with each contraction, You were so peaceful that I had thought you had actually dozed off. But of course, I ended but being wide awake, ready to go, as if I might need to spring into action at any moment. When a contraction came, You would made a tiny groaning noise and I tried to help by smoothing the heel of my hand over your lower back, trying to knead away the pain. As you slept I went downstairs and called my father asking him what to do because like it or not because of the weather we were trapped in Lima . I got of the phone with him and came back upstairs slowing I entered the room and curled around you . "My dad thinks we should just check in to Lima General when it's time," she whispered. To my surprise, the only thing that you did was keep eyes closed and just nodded.

Around ten o'clock that night, Your water still hadn't broken, but the labor had progressed so much that you had wanted to get into the tub to help ease the pain. The warm water would relax your lower back and the floating would take pressure off the rest of her body. Once the tub was filled I had added a few drops of lavender oil, I slid in opposite your parents bathtub, knees pulled up to my chest as you sat between my legs. The lights were off and Whitney had dug up a few candles that were placed on the sink and toilet seat, casting a golden glow over them as they soaked and breathed together. Between contractions, I felt something akin to peace; the bathtub had always been a special place for them, and it made sense they had decided to labor there together. Though sometimes their baths were sensual and frisky, usually they just floated together, suspended in quiet as the outside world was forgotten. Now, even though every seven minutes or so you would tense and grimace as you clutched the sides of the tub, I had felt at peace. I was very aware that these were the last moments we would have alone together before the great unknown began, and honestly didn't want her anxiety to rule the experience. I tried to channel your usual calm. As the night went on you switched between the bed and the bathtub during moments of your labor Three hours later the contractions were a minute long and spaced four minutes apart, I helped you bundle up and climb in the car. After alerting your parents and mine .

You were admitted into the hospital right away. You were placed in a wheelchair and, holding her stomach, pushed towards the labor and delivery . At 4 am it came time for you to push, I took my place right by your side. Taking deep breaths, I had steeled herself, determined to be as courageous as you were being. As you had requested, the lights were dimmed and only two nurses, the doctor, Whitney and myself were in the room. The doctors asked me if she wanted to hold one of your legs, and, glancing at you for approval, she gripped your knee, trying to channel strength into you through me while you gripped my other hand like a lifeline. At times you had looked up at me in utter fear. That fear was alarming and terrifying to me it was something I had never seen in you , and the only thing I could do was chant phrases I thought might help. But even the calming phrases I had spoke to you didn't quiet my own fear. My legs felt stiff and my shoulders felt locked up to my ears as my stomach clenched and my head spun. But through my fear, I some how I still found words for you Britt. It was the only thing I could do to help and I'd be damned if I didn't try as hard as I could. "Good, good," I murmured. "Keep pushing, Britt. You're doing great."Just like we had been taught, the pushing took longer than it ever did in the movies. It took Brittany a good twenty minutes of pushing before the doctor cheered, "There we go, the baby's crowning! Keep going, Brittany!" You let out a shaky, groaning gasp and took a deep breath, doubling your grip on my hand. "Push again with the next contraction and count to ten," the doctor instructed. When I saw you clench with the next contraction, I joined the doctor and Whitney as they chanted, watching your face turn bright pink as you strained back and pushed. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!" You let out the breath she was holding and collapsed back against the bed. "Almost there, Britt-Bee!" Whitney said, "I can see the head!" "You're doing so great, Brittany," I whispered, my voice catching in my throat as I was overcome with helplessness and admiration for you my beautiful strong wife. "Just a little bit longer, sweetheart. Keep going!"

You took a few deep breaths, eyes closed as you waited for the next contraction. I wiped the hair away from your forehead, your chest tightening at the frailty and exhaustion she could do nothing about. When I felt the first hint of you grip on her hand tighten and heard you groan, I chanted, "C'mon, Britt, you can do it! Just a few more pushes!" you rallied, keeping your eyes closed as you hunched forward and pushed, using your last shred of determination set in your brow. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!"This time you leaned slightly more forward and I heard a slippery, liquid sound. I was tempted to look, but remained rooted by your side, too afraid that the blood would make me queasy. "There's the head! Okay, one more big push, Brittany, and the shoulders will be through," the doctor said. You pushed again, with every last ounce of strength, gasping as you collapsed backwards. The nurses' arms moved quickly as a squelch sounded and tiny sputters were followed by a shrill wail. As you let out a relieved, exhausted sob, I took one step toward the bottom of the bed, trembling as I saw our baby for the first time. I barely had time to register the quivering, gasping infant coated in blood and mucus before she heard the words, it's a boy! I lifted my hand to my face, shaking as I watched them wipe off our child and wrap him in his receiving blanket. I was deaf and blind to everything else. Nothing had ever appeared so miraculous. The impossibly small, wailing child captivated me , ensnaring my heart and stilling my breath. My chest contracted and I shuddered in disbelief.

The nurse lifted him up to place him in my arms, In that moment I felt my heart crack open, unable to hold the overwhelming awe and love I have for our child. Tears burned in my eyes, and as I looked down at the flailing, wrinkled infant in my arms he took his first breaths, I was wracked with sobs. After watching him struggle for a moment, I looked up at you in disbelief. Holding the tiny, warm body to mine , I couldn't believe that I was trusted with something so precious. After nine months of only dreaming, our baby was finally here. He was the most wondrous thing that I had ever seen.

"Brittany," I somehow manged to choke out , barely able to make out the outline of your face through my tears, "he's perfect." * dream/flashback ends *

I was rudely awaken by something bouncing on my bed bouncing that over two years I had become accustomed . I opened my eyes to the small light brown almost sandy colored haired, tan skinned , chocolate brown eyes that matched my own little boy that managed from the moment he was born make me smile with love and pride . I sat up and looked at him " Good Morning Luca , pretending your a kangaroo again?" He looked at me " I no roo mama , bunny " I smile softly "Ok little big man your a bunny " I laughed as I hugged the little piece I had of you left in my arms and kissed his head, Luca smiled the same smile that made me fall in love with you all those years ago and that's how I knew you were there with us .


	6. Save You

Disclaimer: Song included in this chapter all rights reserved to where it belongs

Once I was awoken by my very hyper and more awake than I am most days two-year-old son I gotten out of bed, showered quickly and fed myself as well as Luca. That was the first mission of the day completed next was getting Luca to daycare and myself to the recording studio. I always felt a ping of sadness when I left Luca at daycare I mean all parents feel that way when they leave their child somewhere that not with them. But the ping was different for me with Luca because well he was all I had left but that is for another time. After dropping off Luca I made my way to the recording studio as I made my way in I looked at all the picture of all the greatest that had walked through these doors over the years from Dolly Parton to Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac. I was just lucky enough to be in the same place they were when they all started.

I walked into the studio and was greeted by Howard who was the best tech you ask for when it can to making a record. He hugged me " how are ya kid " I smiled at him " I've been okay just going to take a while you know " He smiled sympathetically " Yeah I can understand that you going to be okay to lay down this track? " I nodded "yeah can't put it off forever " I enter the booth and put the head set on all I could do is close my eyes and take a deep breath as the music began to play in the head set.

Take a breath, I pull myself together

Just another step until I reach the door

You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you

I wish that I could tell you something to take it all away

Sometimes I wish I could save you

And there's so many things that I want you to know

I won't give up till it's over

If it takes you forever I want, you to know

When I hear your voice it's drowning in the whispers

You just skin and bones, it's nothing left to take

And no matter what I do I can't make you feel better

If I only I could find the answer to help me understand

Sometimes I wish I could save you

And there's so many things that I want you to know

I won't give up till it's over

If it takes you forever I want, you to know

I as I sing I see the moments of our lives flashing before my eyes as I keep them closed pushing through the song.

That if you fall, stumble down I'll pick you up off the ground

If you lose faith in you I'll give you strength to pull through

Tell me you won't give up 'because I'll be waiting

If you fall you know I'll be there for you

If only I could find the answer to take it all away

Sometimes I wish I could save you

And there's so many things that I want you to know

I won't give up till it's over

If it takes you forever I want, you to know

I wish I could save you, I want you to know

I wish I could save you

The music can to an end and I looked down as the mic was turned off I whispered to myself " But I couldn't save you " I got myself together and exited the booth. I had a couple of meetings the rest of the day they were mostly promotion for the new album and mostly details for the tour that was coming up in a few months. I hated I would have to leave Luca with my parents but I needed to work to give him a good life. I left the studio and headed to pick up Luca from daycare. I parked my car and walked in to see Luca smile as he ran up to me "Mama " I picked him "there's my big boy " I kissed his head as I signed him out " you have a good day? "He smiled " Yea we drew pictures and all kinds of stuff " I smiled at Luca and all his sweet innocent happiness " I know he is almost three but it surprises me every day how smart he is. That I can tell he got from Brittany now when he was little a would throw a fit he definitely got the temper from me look out world. So after getting Luca from daycare and a quick McDonald's run at his request we made our way home. "Luca Maxuel don't run " I yell behind him as he headed for the door he started walking " sorry mama I just didn't wanna miss sponge bob " he looked at me pouting. All I could do was smile as I walked up to him as I got my key for the door. "Well no more running unless I am next to you okay?" He nodded " okay mama" I found my key and opened the door. Let's just say that Luca made it in time for his favorite yellow sponge that is one thing that lets him in his own way feel connected to Brittany because they would watch it together. I did now and I wanted to get as much time with Luca as I could because as of next week I would miss that little boy more than anything.


	7. Save My Soul

Disclaimer: Song included in this chapter all rights reserved to where it belongs

*few weeks later *

I was packing my stuff and getting ready to go when I accidentally knocked a box over " Damn it all " I bent down to pick the box up and a picture of me and Brittany when she was pregnant with Luca fell out . I smiled sadly at the memory I was her idea to take the picture I stood behind her my chin on her should with my arms around her my hands resting on her seven month pregnant stomach and her hands on mine looking down . " Jesus you've come a long way Lopez " I said to myself . Luca is the light of my life next to his mother and because of them I over came a lot cause when I first broke into this business I thought nothing would help me I was addicted to drugs bad . It was mostly cause I was young and stupid sadly I had that Sex,Drugs and Rock n' Roll frame of mind back then , I was 23 and stupid as hell. If Brittany threatened to leave me and take Luca before he was born or before I found out she was pregnant with him I would have never sobered up.

* flashback 2019 *

" That's it Santana I can't take it anymore ! " Brittany storm into the living room . I followed behind her " What you want me to do this is how my line of work is and it's all anyone does you know I sober up when I have to " She turned and looked at me " When you have too ? You mean when you have to go around your agent and the people you say you care about ! " I looked at her barking back " You know I fucking don't have a problem and I don't need you telling me I do " * she looked at me *" You do have a problem Santana and now ..now you need to fix it or your not gonna lose just me " Brittany stormed out slamming the front door , I stood in our living room alone trying to process what has just happened Brittany had said I wouldn't just lose her? I saw a blue and white stick sitting on a paper towel on our counter I walked over and picked it up and as fast as I picked it up I dropped it . It was that moment I now known what Brittany had meant when she said I wouldn't only lose her . I would loose my unborn child as well because the test was positive Brittany was trying to tell me before our fight that I was gonna be a mother . I held my head in my hands as I sat on the bench to our piano I lifted my hand to rest it on the keys and I played a note that was so melodic that I ripped out my music sheets and started to write .

Brittany's POV

Damn that Santana tonight was supposed to be perfect and I had to find out my wife was whoring around on me and became a full blown junkie . I was gonna sit on her lap and kiss her and love on her like I always had then I was going too . I dropped my hands to my stomach and spoke to the little person that was beginning to grow inside me " I'm sorry I didn't get to introduce you to your mama yet little one . she is a sweet person and kind and loving she is just having a hard time right now but I promise I will do what I can to make it right for you "I walked around the yard for a little while must have been an hour or so when I came back in I heard Santana singing and playing the piano I walked in the hallway that lead to our living room and quietly listened not letting Santana know I was back from being outside .

Santana POV

I had finished the song within an hour or more and once I was done I began to play I know it wouldn't make up for how awful I had been to the love of my life and how I ruined a special night for her because I wanted to act like a stupid child .I sadly became the result of my fucked up childhood and now I was dragging it into my own family when I swore I would never do that to the person I loved or to my children but it sadly rang clean as I wrote this song I had become the one person I never wanted to and now my unborn son or daughter was in danger of growing up like I had . I began to play the opening cords

You got what you wanted

Didn't you?

Don't know where your heart is

But mine's bruised

You knew when you started

That I'd lose

The blood on the carpet

Is not you

I tried to wash the scars and marks from under my skin

But you're etched in me like stone

You can't save me (yeah, yeah)

You call it love, but still you hate me? (yeah, yeah)

Lord I try and I can't say no

You're the pain and the medicine

One taste and I'm numb again

You can't save me (yeah, yeah)

Lord I try and I can't say no

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Ain't nothing I can do to save my soul

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

A moth to a candle

That's me to you

I was never this fragile

Or consumed

I'm covered in shrapnel

Through and through

And I wish I knew how to

Hate you

I try to wash the scars and marks from under my skin

But you're etched in me like stone

You can't save me (yeah, yeah)

You call it love, but still you hate me? (yeah, yeah)

Lord I try and I can't say no

You're the pain and the medicine

One taste and I'm numb again

You can't save me (yeah, yeah)

Lord I try and I can't say no

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Ain't nothing I can do to save my soul

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

You've got your chains wrapped around me so tight

Give me enough just to keep me alive

I try to run but it hurts every time, I try

Lord I try and I can't say no

(Oh Lord)

Lord I try and I can't say no

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Ain't nothing I can do to save my soul

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

You got what you wanted

Didn't you?

I had finished and looked over and saw the pair of ocean blue eyes that I had fell in love with all those's years ago back in high school that now had tears in them . I stood up and went right over to Brittany taking her beautiful face in my hands and kissing her deeper than ever before tears running down my face . I then dropped to my knees and laid my head on her stomach my arms wrapped around her waist kissing the skin of her stomach that was exposed and I talked to our son or daughter " hey in there this is your mama you know your lucky because you have the most bravest , strongest , funniest most patient mommy in the world . I promise that I will get better for you and for you mommy I will make you both proud " I stood up kissing Brittany again and both exchanged I love you's . The next week I checked myself into rehab

* flash back ends *

I put the box away in the closet and zipped up my bags I looked at the picture of Luca on my nightstand picking it up and tracing his little face with my finger " You really saved my soul mijo and I thank god for you every day " I put the picture down I put my bags by my closet and got into bed and just like ever night I looked at the picture of Brittany I had next to the one of Luca . I picked it up and said "goodnight my love " I kissed it and placed it back down turning the light out and falling to sleep because tomorrow I had to be ready to go back on tour for the first time in two and half years and nine months .


End file.
